February 2020 - Operation Shower of Appreciation

February 28, 2020January 30, 2020

Things To Consider Before Deciding To Become A Military Girlfriend

Michelle L. Kelly, Ph.D. writes a story about a woman who married a military man. “Staying in touch was hard, but they communicated via old-fashioned letters and packages,” she said. “She feels fortunate though because she had her own career goals. Her advice for young women and men dating military members is simple. Stay focused on your own goals.”

There are certain things in a relationship with a military man that is not found in any ordinary romantic relationships. Many girls have strong attractions to men in uniform, especially those in a military uniform. “Women prefer a partner who can protect them. It has been so since ancient times,” Dr. Geetanjali Sharma, a marriage and relationship counselor, was quoted as saying in the Times article. “It can be assumed that men in uniform are the modern-day ‘saviors’ and hence the attraction.” They tend to rush the dating process and look forward to marrying the man. Dating someone in the military is not a happily ever type of love story. In reality, these types of relationships break up a few months later because they don’t realize the challenge of work that both of them must endure staying together.

If a girl considers committing to a romantic relationship with a military man, there are several things that she must put in mind.

Their Job Is Their Priority

It is nothing personal because they must defend the country against many threats to the best of what they can do. Sometimes they will not be that informative of where they will go to their girlfriends must be patient enough in considering the nature of their work. Girls cannot expect to gain full attention and affection from their boyfriends and do not have the right to make them feel guilty about it.

No Communication For Most Of The Time

Every one of them will have to undergo at least Basic Training so there will be long periods that girls cannot interact with them. It requires more or less ten straight weeks that they are not allowed to have outside communication while they are in training. Phone calls may not always be the right means of interaction with their girlfriends, but they can write letters if they have free time. But for those having higher ranks, they have more privileges that include communicating with their loved ones compared to those in the lower positions.

Girls Will Feel Anxious And Stressful

It is quite common especially if their boyfriends are deployed in an area where there is war. Girlfriends might receive calls that have bombs and guns in the background. What kind of girl will not freak out in this kind of situation? And as Jennifer Wider, M.D. told Women’s Health, “Stress can wreak havoc on a person’s body.” As much as possible, communication takes place when they are in the base or during a ceasefire. This way, they do not pose any anxiety to their girlfriends. During an encounter, they will not contact their girlfriends for weeks or months that will make the girls very anxious if there are boyfriends who are still alive.

Both May Plan To Get Married Soon

Because there are so many uncertainties that surround the nature of military jobs, they can find themselves making grown-up decisions faster than “ordinary couples.” Moving in, getting married and having kids might be the common topics among relationships involving military men.

Traditions Are Not Observed

Anniversaries, birthdays and other important life events are seldom celebrated in their relationships. So it is crucial for the girls to understand that their boyfriends might not be around in times that they must be present.

Girls May Be Judged Being Naïve Or Crazy

Other people may think that girls having a romantic relationship with military men are loony for getting into this world. They might ask “Why him if there are plenty of other boys around you?” Girls must acknowledge their opinion, but girlfriends must always remember that they are dating the man, not the uniform.

February 21, 2020January 30, 2020

Fight Off Expectations In Relationships With Appreciation

It all started with long night phone conversations, the hourly update on each other and were inseparable most of the time. Just like any romantic relationship, this is how ours started. It was all pure bliss and excitement. Everything seems to be okay. We feel nothing but love for each other, and everything in-between becomes indefinable. As long as what matters most was our happiness. It’s true what Meredith Hansen, PsyD wrote – “Healthy adult love exists when both partners are emotionally interdependent; meaning that both partners love one another, care for one another, desire physical closeness with one another, but respect each other enough to have their own identities as well.”

That time, everything was ideal- from celebrating important occasions to going on a movie date, attending Sunday Church and visiting families. Indeed, it was a perfect match made in heaven.

However, life has its way of testing the waters. What seems to be an ideal relationship became the opposite of everything. As our relationship went on, things have changed gradually. The world that we made exclusively for each other slowly fell apart; until one day we realized that we were already living life out of that world and could no longer recognize each other as to how we were before. That time, we decided to let go of each other so as not to cause further pain and frustrations.

“As much as a new love can pare bad habits, it might cut away some good qualities, too. New research suggests that sometimes being in a romantic partnership means losing favorable aspects of the self.” – Theresa E. DiDonato, Ph.D.

Time Heals And Teaches

Three years in a relationship have come a long way for me to realize everything, at first it was all regret consuming my entire being – asking myself why it has to end, why beautiful things never last. Acceptance and moving on were tough battles, but I had to hold myself together for I can no longer afford to feel broken again. I am grateful for the gift of time for it has allowed me to accept the truth, feel the pain and pick up myself again, the time has healed me. I experienced the emotional torture day by day until the remorse I have been nurturing for entirely some time has turned into a realization of what has transpired from my failed relationship.

It was the expectations that ruined our relationship, i.e., expecting things would never change and hoping more of what is given in the relationship such as time. Unmet expectations heated up frustrations that led to constant misunderstandings, which eventually ended the relationship.

If only…..

It was too late to recognize that, if only I appreciated his efforts of making time for me out of his busy schedule, maybe I would not have demanded more of his time. If only I have come to appreciate myself with all the care and love I have given him, maybe I would not see myself inadequate and incapable of loving him. Lastly, if we only tried to appreciate everything in our relationship especially on how much we decided to save our relationship, maybe we could have salvaged it. However, we were both consumed by our expectations with each other that it made us hard to appreciate both our efforts as we try to fight for our relationship, we end up fighting against each other. I know it was too late now; nonetheless, I am still thankful that I have come to realize what went wrong with my past relationship, for this will be the lesson I am bringing as long as I live.

Moreover, if fate permits that I may find myself falling in love again, at least I have now in me the key to having a lasting relationship, and that is appreciation. Because appreciation teaches us to become satisfied with what is given to us. Appreciating your partner’s effort to fetch you despite arriving late is better instead of ranting over why he was late. “Appreciation matters. Those who express appreciation with their partner are more committed to them and more likely to stay in the relationship,” says Ryan M. Niemiec PsyD.

Feeling thankful for a quick lunch out because of a tight schedule rather than not having lunch together. These are just some of the little things that when appreciated will make each other see the efforts being made for the relationship. Expectations will fade away when appreciation glues the relationship.

February 14, 2020January 30, 2020

Reward Yourself With Appreciation

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“Let’s begin by clearing up something: Self-respect does not make you narcissistic or conceited or self-centered … in fact, it does quite the opposite. Self-respect is about amassing a deep sense of self-worth and self-love to show that you are worthy of receiving love and in turn, giving love.” – Danielle Dowling, PsyD.

Since we were young, our parents taught us the value and importance of being grateful in life especially to the people who have been good to us. We learned that by being grateful, we become benevolent as well, for we know that in every appreciation we give, comes the feeling of happiness and fulfillment not just on the person we thank for but also to ourselves. We got used to appreciating every little thing in life regardless of how well or bad it is because we know that, everything happens for a reason and that we should still show kindness during adversities. Learning the importance of gratitude has helped us to embrace and live up its value; hence, we become grateful for everything, always.

On the other hand, despite the fact of being grateful for everything that we have, we sometimes forget to appreciate one important person to be thankful for, and that is our self. We have the innate selflessness that enables us to put others’ well-being first, that is why with all the appreciation that we have for other people, we fail to appreciate our self.

Start Within Yourself

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Most of us see gratitude as something to be shared with others, except for our self, because we think that appreciating one’s self is already arrogant. Give yourself a short break for a while and try to be grateful for what you have become. Examine within yourself that you are thankful for the person that you came to be so that you can be a blessing to others as well. This way, you know your worth thus giving yourself importance. Be narcissistic for a while. You must remember that gratitude starts with you; hence you deserve to appreciate yourself for choosing and doing what is right.

Steven Stosny, Ph.D. says, “Self-value is more behavioral than emotional, more about how you act toward what you value, including yourself than how you feel about yourself compared to others. It necessarily includes self-care.”

What Should You Thank Yourself For?

It is easy for us to recognize the things and people we are grateful for while we unnoticed the things we should thank our self for, like appreciating yourself for:

Being thankful for everything
Keeping up the faith amidst life’s adversities
Returning kindness over cruelty
Courage to let go
Believing in love despite the pain
Giving second chances
Accepting things that are not meant for you
Forgiving others and yourself
Recognizing your mistakes

Just like how we appreciate and admire other people on how they overcome the challenges in their lives, we should also do the same to ourselves. “Acknowledging and expressing genuine gratitude for what you appreciate in your life is a deeply kind act,” says psychotherapist Lea Seigen Shinraku. When you know how to appreciate yourself, you begin to discover your strengths and weaknesses, and this would help you improve yourself into becoming a better person. Self-appreciation is a way of recognizing self-worth, which enables you to realize that you are a human of substance, worthy to be loved and respected.

Your relationship with yourself is as significant as your character. As they say, you cannot give what you do not have. You cannot learn to appreciate others if you do not know how to thank yourself. Do not be too hard on yourself, give yourself the reward that you deserve. Remember you are doing your very best to be the best version of yourself and that is already an achievement. Reward yourself with appreciation, celebrate your pain and triumphs and rejoice for better days to come.

February 7, 2020January 30, 2020

Gratitude Can Bring Out the Best in Your Child

Becoming a parent is a privilege because not everyone can experience the joy and happiness of raising a child from becoming a better person. A source of pride, it is as well the most demanding and challenging responsibility that one can have. It takes courage and commitment to embrace the life of becoming a parent regardless of its nature. Living with this challenge is the part on how to raise children with positive values and the right attitude. “We want our children to be able to relate to other people’s feelings and to feel a sense of belonging in their classrooms and community,” says clinical psychologist Sheela Raja. “Cultivating a sense of gratefulness goes a long way toward this goal.”

Parents are expected to give out your best just to make sure that children will have a secure and successful life ahead. The society sees a child as a mere reflection of the kind of parents that a child has. Even if it’s not the main reason for the outcome of the child in later life, the role of the parents still has a significant factor. With this, your worth as a parent is determined on how you were able to rear your children of becoming who and what they are in life.

When And How To Start?

Start Them Young. The child’s brain is like a sponge. It absorbs everything that it encounters. By training them with good habits, they will embrace it and will eventually become a lifelong habit. Coupled with role modeling, this will be easy for them to follow the actions that they observe around them. Grab this opportunity to teach them the right skills in surviving life and to engage their young minds the value of gratitude. Giacomo Bono, Ph.D. wrote, “When parents tune into an infant’s needs and curiosities and satisfy the infant patiently with love, they’re planting the seeds for gratitude to grow.”

Cultivate An Attitude Of Gratitude. The sincerest thought comes from a child. It is like whatever a child has to say, it becomes heartfelt as always, because of the pureness of their heart.

What one of the first things parents commonly teach their child is praying, and through this, parents start to teach their child to give thanks to the Heavenly Father. The phrase “thank you” is one of the sweetest phrases we could hear from a child. It brings a smile to our faces when they utter this two-word statement, and our heart swells with happiness.

Teaching and showing your child what it means to say, “thank you” allows practicing gratefulness at an early age. This way, as the child grows up, he can show appreciation, not just with the material things but moreover the simple gestures and favors he gets from the people around him. In return, he will realize that showing gratitude makes people happy, a rewarding feeling for doing something right to others. According to Sarah Conway, a psychologist and mom, “The absolute best way to teach kids to be grateful, is to BE GRATEFUL. They will take their cues from you. So thank them often.”

With constant practice, the child will become accustomed to the importance of gratitude, the effect it brings to the people and the enthusiasm it gives into becoming a better version of oneself. Parenting is one tough job, but by embracing and appreciating the privilege it entails, you will never find any reason to quit. Instead, it will make you a better person, someone whom your child can look up to and be thankful because you have dedicated your life to bring them up with good hearts.