Month: August 2017

 

 

Why is it important to say thank you?

The question may be off to you. Or you might think, where is this leading to? Simple. I’m just asking why do we need to say thank you? Does it matter much? Let’s examine some important discussions.

“What? No thank you?!”

Over a month ago, I was chatting with this lady online and we were trading stories about hobbies and collections. I openly shared that I am a collector of Starbucks City Mugs. She also claimed the same thing. Gaining affinity to her, I decided to send her three City Mugs that I have as double pieces and no longer need anyway.

I was hoping to hear back from her online stating that she received the package, but to my dismay, I never got one. I sent her emails following up and checking up on her to see if maybe she got sick or god-knows-what happened to her. But really, I did not receive an acknowledgment nor a thank you note from her. What would you feel if you were in my situation? According to  Amie M. Gordon, Ph.D., “This is true of sharing gratitude in so many areas of our lives—we rarely take the time to meaningfully thank people who make a difference in our lives, big or small, because we don’t realize the impact it will have on them.”

 

Well, maybe you will blame me for trusting a person I only met online and sent out a package to her instantly, so this just suits me. Nonetheless, the point of the matter here is the good manner of showing appreciation to the deed. Just by saying “Thank you,” it can really go a long way. “During a moment of offering kindness, there’s a certain kind of connection that can happen, especially if the other person receives it graciously,” according to John Amodeo Ph.D., MFT.

Powerful words

“Thank you” are powerful words that can move us to do more positive things or simply increase our self-esteem. When somebody says ‘thank you’ to you for a simple act that you did for them, the feeling of being appreciated and that sense of importance is overwhelming.

In the corporate world, being recognized for your hard work is seldom shown. Maybe because the big bosses do not want to be intimidated by your pro-activity or smartness in your work. Sadly, this culture still continues to exist. Employees sometimes find it disheartening that their best work is not taken seriously. Under-appreciation is mostly the name of the game. By this, productiveness and the success of employees sometimes suffer along with it.

Psychologists and thank you therapy experts support the idea that by saying ‘thank you’ to a person, the dramatic change of motivating and inspiring to do more good things are significant. In children, we can easily detect or see in their behavior that there is increased self-confidence. However, it’s quite difficult to see this in adults. Nonetheless, we are already creating a positive psychological drive to do more prosocial behavior in the future.

 

It was Veteran’s Day and I had the honor of accompanying my father to their annual party. I couldn’t help but feel excited because I’ve always looked up to the men in uniform for serving the country at the expense of their families. I can’t imagine my son leaving me to serve the country, which means going to war should be one of the things that he’s prepared to do. But despite my worries for the near future, I have vowed to never stop him from choosing to join the forces. Besides, he has his grandfather’s genes – the blood of the courageous and patriotic.

When we arrived, we were met by our friends and their families, and I greeted them and expressed my happiness that they were finally home and with their spouses and children. Deep inside, I thanked God that they survived combat. Not everyone does. I saw a group of youngsters in one corner. I heard one of them approach one housewife, Melissa, and asked her if she could be interviewed. Melissa was surprised and she said, “Why me? My husband’s around. I’ll introduce you to him.”

But the youngster said, “No, we’re really here for you and for the rest of the military wives who are here. We want the world to know that you deserve a thank you, for all you’ve done.” I managed to smile and hide the tear falling from my cheek. It was so touching. I realized that these housewives do have important roles for the greater good of the country.

I listened in and the young lady asked Melissa, “So tell us about a day in your household when your husband comes home. What’s the feeling?”

“Well,” Melissa said, “Of course the first day is just bliss. Nothing beats the feeling of seeing your husband at the door, alive. And when the kids see him and hug and kiss him, it’s just a miracle. I cook my special and we enjoy every moment we have together.”

Then one of their other members went in front and announced that she wanted to say something. She said she just wanted to thank the women behind the military man, the light of the military house, for keeping the family together. Everybody agreed and cheered loudly. Then she read the rest of the gratitude list. According to Mark Travers Ph.D., “Studies have shown a positive association between expressions of gratitude and emotional well-being.”

Thank you for:

1. Being both Mom and Dad to the kids when the husband leaves home to work. She has to be responsible for taking care of the home and keeping it peaceful. Most importantly, she is tasked to tell her kids good stories of their dads and how they are out there to defend our country.
2. Giving up the things she loves doing for herself so that the others can do what they have to do. Some of them are bank executives, professors, and teachers and sometimes they are not given the choice not to give it up. They have to. That’s sacrifice and for them and it’s worth it.

• Learning the latest ways of communicating so that family can communicate. She keeps herself up to date with Skype and other video conferencing software to support her husband from afar. Sometimes she attempts to be a therapist to encourage her husband to keep the faith. She applies what she has learned from other resources that help deal with depression and anxiety.

• Preparing the best meals. Military wives become domesticated, although not by choice for some, they’d get used to it in time. Her pancakes just don’t taste the same and her baked turkey is heavenly, just perfect for her hero to enjoy when he gets home.

• The times that she wanted to give up and raise the white flag, but she didn’t. She just goes on and on and tries her best to be strong for her children. She cries only when she is alone or with her closest friends. When she arrives home, she smiles and feeds her children with love and hope.

I went home that night feeling nostalgic, inspired and grateful. I realized that military wives aren’t always acknowledged for being the persons behind the strength of their husbands – the wind beneath their wings. And though they don’t often hear the thank yous, they don’t mind, because they know that the country needs them as much as they need their husbands.

 

 

 

When it comes to dating, most individuals might already have tons of experiences on how to make a perfect first impression. Making sure that they have the perfect attire, the perfect restaurant, the perfect introduction, they got it all covered. According to Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D., “It seems that you can learn a lot by meeting thousands of potential dating partners.” But what if you are going on a date with someone from the army? Particularly, a lady soldier?

Dating a lady soldier makes the whole experience of dating exciting and chaotic in a way. You have to make sure that you would impress her during the first date because a soldier like her, who serves the country, does not have tons of free time. Therefore, you better not waste her precious time.

To help you in your agony, here are some simple tips that can help you to build your confidence and leave a good impression on that lady soldier.

Be You

“The best advice is to be yourself and try not to act any differently,” says Elvina Lui, MFT. As simple as it may sound, this is actually one of the faults of many people when going on dates. You don’t have to pretend to be someone you are not to impress your lady soldier. Given her field of job, she already met different personalities in different people. If you want to be remembered as you, you have to be you. No more shenanigans or copying styles. Your date will surely appreciate your genuine personality.

Stay Simple

Being a soldier equips you with several survival skills and experiences. You don’t have to dress up in gold or drive in a Ferrari to catch her attention. I’m sure those things will catch her attention but you don’t want to be known as the walking gold bar. Stay simple. Simple gestures, such as telling her that she is beautiful in her dress, can already go a long way.

Don’t Be Overly Masculine

The tendency of men when dating a lady soldier is that they always want to show off how masculine they are. They want the lady soldier to know that they can protect her. However, doing this spreads the vibe of insecurity. Not because her job is a physically demanding one, you have to be stronger or more fit than her. Just be a man. Be you. Stay simple. For sure, she would appreciate that her job doesn’t intimidate you.

Talk About Other Things Besides Being A Soldier

We get that dating a lady soldier is pretty hot. But, you have to give her a break. Don’t talk about being a soldier all night long. Having to deal with dangerous missions in her daily life is enough. Don’t suffocate her by asking questions about being a soldier. If she talks about being a soldier, then so be it. Just don’t force her or lead her unconsciously to do so.

Use these simple tips on your first date. You never know – they might be the key for that second date. Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW suggested to “Look for the following qualities that are essential ingredients in healthy connection: empathy, honesty, integrity, authenticity, reciprocity, compromise, accountability, trust and respect.” If you are having trouble to build your confidence, you might want to check out online counseling to get help from professional psychologists and therapists. Have fun and enjoy it!